Love bombing involves overwhelming the victim with affection, attention, and positive gestures, creating an intense connection very quickly. During this time the abuser will often use love bombing tactics. This is often the first stage, at the start of the relationship where there is initial attraction and might be understood as 'the honeymoon period'. Recognising the different ways in which trauma bonding occurs can help victims see that they are being subjected to harm, and can help survivors make sense of their experience and move forward. Experts have identified seven facets of trauma bonding that are often present in abusive intimate relationships. Trauma bonding involves a complex system of push and pull, reward and punishment, affection and abuse. It provides a powerful example of how abuse and affection become intertwined, creating a bond that makes it difficult for her to leave. The abuser, her husband, uses different tactics to keep her trapped in a cycle of reward and punishment. The character of Celeste, played by Nicole Kidman is in a marriage that is physically, sexually and emotionally abusive. In the recent TV series, Big Little Lies, we can see this quicksand at work. Just like quicksand, the relationship feels like a consuming trap, and efforts to break free often feel like they only make things worse. It can feel like emotional quicksand, where the more the victim tries to escape the situation or please the abuser, the deeper they sink into the relationship. This push and pull is extremely powerful. The 'punishment' might involve physical and emotional abuse while the 'reward' phase might involve apologies, declarations of love, promises and affection. ![]() Trauma bonding can be understood as a cycle of punishment and reward that creates a strong attachment between abuser and victim. With the right support, survivors can break free from the cycle of abuse and regain themselves, away from abuse. But, recognising the signs of trauma bonding can help those experiencing it understand what is happening and why. Many feel unable to reach out for support, or may even feel like they are 'going mad'. Those experiencing trauma bonding may feel a confusing range of emotions, especially shame and self-blame. It helps explain why leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly challenging. ![]() ![]() It describes the incredibly strong emotional connection that forms between victim and abuser and opens the door to exploring the cycle of abuse that keeps victims stuck. Understanding trauma bonding goes some way in helping us understand the complexity of this experience. Staying in an abusive or toxic relationship is not a sign of weakness or complicity, but is the result of powerful psychological forces at work, often described using the term ' trauma bonding'.
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